Friday, November 05, 2004

Charity Case

We as brokers are taught by our higher ups to be creative, and "think outside the box" in relation to obtaining more clients and business. Keeping this in mind I have stolen a page from the kids selling candy on the trains:
"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. I am not here selling real estate for no basketball team. I am selling real estate to put a little money in my pocket and to keep me off the streets. Today for sale I have studios, lofts in Tribeca, classic 6's on the Upper East Side, and 2 bedrooms in Murray hill. Please contribute generously and prevent this broker from being homeless. Thank you, god bless and have a safe trip...."

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

When it rains....

Not that anyone reads this shit (I mean who gives a fuck about someone who fucks over other people) but the girlfriend drama continues. In light of me sleeping on the landing last week, it did not turn the screw of guilt. I got dumped and she is moving out. This was how that week started.
When a broker is not busy kissing his/her client's ass, the smart ones are doing rentals to put butter on the bread and a roof over their head. In that respect, sometimes the business is a little slow and you ask the one your with (for 4 fucking years) for a little help financially. I was banking on this, seeing as my broker skills have failed me in the last month. Not this month my friend.....Not only am I woman-less, but I'm money-less and looking for a roomate to boot (I get the apt., she leaves with the $).
Many people have misconceptions of real estate brokers being filthy rich bastards, but the reality of it is, that there are people like myself who are highly educated, starting out, and do not have a financial cushion to sit on. As I sit and write this, I'm eating baked beans and drinking a Bud tall boy because I am not only devestated, but broke as well. Broke to the point where I'm selling off furniture (obviously in anticipation of a stranger moving in and bringing a Crate & Barrel couch). This is a shitty, tough job, and unless you've got some serious money in the bank; you may find yourself singing for dinner on the subway platform if you don't succeed. Brokers work on commission, and not knowing when you are going to get paid again is terrifying......I've got more to say in regards to the days that followed the break-up, but my beans are burning and I have to send out resumes.

Monday, September 20, 2004

Easy like Monday morning

My softball team lost it's championship game yesterday. I really live for my Sundays in the park, and now it's over and the leaves are falling and it's going to snow tomorrow. In celebration of our loss, we got drunk. My teammates are my family, not just Bob and Lynn the assholes from accounting, but to die for buddies. We took the loss hard, and I got blotto.
I get home late and the girlfriend is pissed because I'm pissed and we get into a fight. We live in a really nice 2 bedroom in Brooklyn, so personal space is not an issue. In my drunken mess I know I'm headed for the couch for the evening, but in my state I decide to make a point and grab a pillow and blanket and walk out the door. In retrospect, I was hoping to make her feel bad for what, I don't know, but I guess I may have thought I was right about whatever we were arguing about(not that I remember). No couch to sleep on, just a landing about 10x10 (100sqft). It wasn't a bad night's sleep (probably because I passed out) and this morning I awoke thinking about my rental client who is obsessed with 2000sqft......I guess he really just wants the extra space in case his broker passes out drunk at his place.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004


I have a new client. Not a buyer or seller but a renter. I'm trying to stay clear of renters these days, but actually, unlike most brokers; I kind of enjoy renters because they're a little more realistic. This one is special too in the fact that he has more than $5000 a/month to spend. This (of course) is a great client because there are only so many apartments you can show them before they have to make a decision.
Easier said than done. He needs to be in a certain area of the city (close to the U.N.) where rentals don't come up to often, and it has to be at least 2000sqft. I'm up for a challlenge, so I find 3 HUGE apartments that meet his criteria. Two of which are in the Trump World which is the big, black glass curtain that resides across from the U.N. If you are not familar with this building, let's just say that it is full service and layed out. If you want someone to wipe your ass at three in the morn' they will send someone up to do it. So I show him a little 3 bedroom on the 47th floor that is amazing, and affordable (to him) and he balks when he finds out it is only 1900sqft!
My lesson (frustration) here is that square footage in NYC is a mis-conception and is generally misunderstood. You don't know how to calculate it nor do brokers (properly). Why not just walk into an apartment and if it feels right, take it. What is he going to do with an extra 100sqft? Square footage is a status symbol like those Japanese kids with their retro Nike, after awhile nobody cares.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Thursday, September 9th

So....I'm a real estate broker. If technology could facilitate it, you'd be beating me to a pulp and taking a big crap on me right now. I hope to provide a bridge, a bridge between frustration on the part of the consumer, and myself; the person who can provide the product in which you would like to consume. New York City is unique in the fact that nowhere else in this country can finding a place to live be so madening. I hope I can offer some insight into the world of NYC real estate, not only as someone who is part of the machine, but also as someone like yourself, who has to live here and deal with the madness that goes along with it.....Stay tuned.